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Sex is always a good topic for funnies

A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will forgive me "The lady replies: "If your dick is as hard as your elbow... I'm in room 603"


Girls reaction to penis sizes:

# 9'' - oh shit pain!

# 7'' - oh yes, yum!

# 6'' - oh perfect!

# 5'' - mmm ok!

# 4'' - push more

# 3'' - is it in?

# 2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue.


Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?

A - Airport (flat)

B - Barely there

C - Can do

D - Damn good

E - Enormous

F - Fake


Women are unpredictable:

Before marriage, she expects a man.

After marriage, she suspects her man.

And finally --

After his death, she respects him.


Why are married women fatter than single one's?

Singles come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed; whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.


During pregnancy:

The 1st three months, do it the normal style

Next three months do it the doggy style

And the last three months do it the wolf style --

They sit alone outside the mate's hole and howl.


All couples have different phases of sex life:

Age 20 - Day and Night

Age 28 - Every Night

Age 38 - Fri Night

Age 48 - Once a month

Age 58 - only feelings


Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???

2% - eat

3% - smoke cigarettes

4% - take a shower

5% - go to sleep

86% - get up and go back home to their wife.


What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?

"truck you and your law of gravity, I'm goin UP."


Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'

He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100.00 for good lay!"

Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $ 250.00"


Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency.

The angry maid says, "at least am better than you in bed."

Lady, with an amazed look asks: "Did boss tell you this?"

Maid: "No, the driver did."


What is common between a passionate kiss and a spider?

"Both lead to the undoing of the fly".


What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

"After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."


Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"

Adam: "No, I don't."

Eve (crying): "Then why did you make love to me?"

Adam: "Hello!!! As if I had other choices."



A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."



25 useless things in a man:

20 nails

02 nipples that don't milk

02 balls that you cannot play with. &

01 stop that does not lay egg.


Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking?

Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours & then you are left untrucked how would feel?


Policeman arrested a prostitute.

Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!

Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"

Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo.


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