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Disfunctional Hallmark Cards
#1

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

 

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

 

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....

(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

 

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....

(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

 

5. Someday I hope to marry...

(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

 

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....

(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

 

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

 

8. We've been friends for a very long time...

(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

 

9. I'm so miserable without you...

(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

 

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....

(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

 

11. You are such a good friend. If we we're on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

 

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday..

(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

 

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Northern Florida, Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)

 

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

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